Sacrifice, this is what I am called to as a follower of Christ. The Holy Spirit has really been convicting me on this one. To give my ALL for the sake of His gospel. I have had a passion for missions for as long as I can remember. When I was young and my faith and hope was new in Christ the passion I had for Him and His heart for the lost was such a powerful thing in my soul. Over the years the things of the world took a strong hold in my heart and that fire for the lost was buried deep in my heart. I was concerned only for myself and the desires of my heart not His. Last year when I went to Tanzania I was clinging to the small hope that the passion I had as a child would just come back when my feet touched the ground. I see how immature that was and how all I really needed to do was truly come back to the heart of the Father. I'm not saying this whole entire time I had been faking it but, for the most part I was living life in my own strength with an occasional prayer to the one who gave everything for me.  Why I don't know. I cry just thinking about all He does for me and I in turn give him a small part of my heart and life.

 

I can't say anything crazy or miraculous has happened over the past four weeks here but He has definitely been making some shifts in this hard heart of mine. I picked up the book Radical by David Platt before my trip here and really started to dig into it more over the past couple of weeks. I finished it a couple days ago with a conviction in my heart to give my EVERYTHING for the sake of the Gospel. I am committing to a year of radical living in which time I will; pray for the entire world, read through the entire Word, sacrifice my money for a specific purpose, spend my time in another context, and commit my life to a multiplying community of believers. I realize this sounds totally crazy and ridiculous to a lot of you and that's ok. I am starting to come to the conclusion that my life as a follower of Jesus Christ should look crazy and radical to the world. I was living a worldly life with Jesus on the side.

 

So something crazy that has already happened as a result of the conviction in my heart is that I will be spending about four extra months here at City of Hope. Like I said its goanna look crazy and radical! The idea of staying longer was mentioned to me early on in the trip by some good friends. I really wanted to love the idea but my heart was clinging to things back in the states that I really didn't want to give up. I knew deep down that the right thing to do was stay. After all I wanted to spend a couple of years in Africa not to long ago and here was the perfect chance to have a longer term commitment. What was my problem? Honestly I kinda tried to ignore the suggestion. Finally one night I was getting really frustrated about it and began to share my frustrations with Sarah. I was a mess, I was crying my eyes out because I knew I was being really selfish about wanting to be back in the states for things but at the same time I really wanted the Lord to give me a passion to stay. Sarah was so patient with me and just sat listening to me and all the while silently praying that God would give me a peace about staying. Then like a light switch He flooded my heart with a peace that surpasses all understanding and whispered to me stay. He gave me the strength to sacrifice what I had been clinging so desperately to. And just like that He started to work things out for me to stay.

 

I realize that I have probably said a ton of really uncomfortable things and many of you my feel I was to open and vulnerable with my heart, but I realize that when someday when I stand before my God I will never be criticized for being open but rather the opposite will be true. I want to thank you all so much for your prayers and all the other ways you have supported me in this journey! It encourages my heart tremendously to know you are praying for me here. I love you all so much and look forward to sharing more with you in the coming months.

 

Blessings~ Nancy