I've come to realize that I have been very near sighted these past few months here in Africa. I have been putting my worth in what I see has been accomplished in a day. Apart from the fact that I should be putting my worth only in Jesus Christ, this way of thinking is extremely discouraging. I had to step back the other day and look at the whole picture. Kids that would hardly look at me the first month now smile and greet me as we pass on the street. A lot of the girls now laugh and talk freely with me as if we had been friends for longer than the short three months I have been here. Granted I still have a long way to go and I do still feel as though I could or should be doing more but the lie that I am worthless here, which yes I often tell myself, is just that a lie.

 

I have been learning so much over the past few weeks. God has been showing me just how weak I really am. I have created this façade that I am strong enough I am safe and I can protect my own heart. He is starting to pull down that curtain I have been putting up. I am so thankful that he is revealing this to me but it is a really hard and painful lesson to learn because comforts that I would typically run to have been failing me. They never were true or constant as much as I would have liked to hold to them. He alone is my rock, He will never fail me, He is constant, in Him alone I find strength! Oh that I would take this to heart every moment of every day. But in my sinful and prideful heart I try to put that curtain back up and say I got this I can handle it just fine by myself. Even as I write this I feel that struggle and war going on in my heart. It is a battle I will have to fight till the day I die I know, but I pray that I won't give up the fight as I have been doing.

 

Thank you so very much to every one who has been praying for me! It is a huge encouragement to me. Please be praying that I would cling to Jesus for my strength. Its not an easy life here and even with close friends it is really lonely at times. I find that I am much more home sick than I was last year. I know that the Lord has called me here though for this time and want to be a true witness for the kingdom of God in this place. I am afraid that I have been a very poor witness for the most part. I don't want to regret the time I spend here. Please pray that my time here won't be wasted and that people would see the light of Christ in me, not just a good moral person. I love and miss you all greatly!

Blessings~ Nancy

Thought I would update you all on what has been going on in Ntagatcha!  We finally have rain!!!  The kids are replanting all the fields now that the drought is over.  The weather is also much cooler now that the rains have come.  The early mornings have been in the mid 60's.  I have been helping out with painting some new apartments for the teachers at the school, tutoring some girls in the evenings and starting to do a little experimental baking in the new wood fired pizza oven.   I'm slowly picking up Swahili, though learning a new language has definitely been way more challenging than I expected.   I have also found time to work on some sewing projects which entailed learning how to use a treadle sewing machine.  A couple weeks ago I went to the spring to get water with the girls and carried a bucket of water on my head for the first time.  It really made me appreciate having water brought to the guest house. 

As for my heart, that is a complicated mess right now and I would greatly appreciate your prayers for me.  I am really homesick and struggling with my decision to stay on top of a lot of other things.  I don't doubt that this was what God wanted of me its just not easy being in another culture.  It means the world to me to know that my friends and family are praying for me though! 

Just a few shots of life...

 

    Blessings~ Nancy